Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
