You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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