I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
