Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The ass gains better be worth it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
