You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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