I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
