Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
