Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
