I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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