I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
