would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
