We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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