he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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