McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
