Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
