I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
