perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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