I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
