There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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