Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
