Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
