i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
love makes seman taste better
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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