it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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