I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
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