Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
