It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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