Sponge bath it is.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
