big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
