I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
