The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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