I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
