It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
