those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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