How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
