apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
