You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
