the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
