its not stalking. its research.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
