If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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