they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
