Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
