That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
