During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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