So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
