just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
