but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
