): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
