I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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