This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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