Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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